There are a lot of things in life that I haven’t experienced, and while I try to be open-minded, I often have a hard time understanding things that I haven’t dealt with personally. Take for instance: getting pregnant on accident.

In my mind, there is no possible way to conceive a child accidentally. I feel this way because I had a hard time conceiving one on purpose so I have no place in my brain for the comprehension of an “Oops Baby.” I always ponder the phenomenon of Oops Babies. I know how they happen, I just can’t imagine it ever happening to me.

The truth is, I would love to have an Oops Baby. Right now would be the perfect time for one: Nicky is 18 months old, we are (mostly) financially stable, and I already have a pooch so why not fill it with something? An Oops Baby would be great because I’m not in a position where I’m ready to consciously get pregnant, but if I were to have an “accident” it would be beyond my control and would eliminate the need for me to make the choice. Frankly, if it’s up to me, I may never feel right about having another baby. My feelings about babies are so conflicting. On one hand, I want another baby, and I want him/her to be close in age to Nicky. On the other hand, I absolutely dread the possibilities that come with a second child. Can I handle another baby? Can I survive pregnancy and Nicky’s toddler years? It’s all so unpredictible.

And then there’s the BIG question: Can I even get pregnant?

With Nicky it took me almost two years to get pregnant, and during those two years, I underwent a lot of testing, and we never found out what was wrong. It’s possible that I just had a one-time bout of infertility, but I really don’t know. I could easily struggle with conception again, and if I wait another year or two before “trying,” Nicky could be 30 by the time his brother/sister comes along (you never know, maybe my ovaries will be Super Heroes in their fifties).

I’m always amazed when someone tells me she’s decided to try and have a baby and then like magic, she’s pregnant within the month. In my mind, it takes years to conceive. I don’t know what it’s like to actually have control over conception. To me, becoming pregnant is like getting on an enjoyable roller coaster only to have it break down leaving you stuck in your seat while the engineers fix it. It’s hard to make the choice that you want a baby. Once you want one, that’s all you think about, and once you realize it might be harder to get one than you thought, you carry that with you everywhere you go. I have to admit, I keep a wall around me now when it comes to babies because I don’t want to experience that ache again.

That’s where my Oops Baby comes in. No wanting, no waiting, no wishing, no hoping. Just oops!