September 5, 2007
Prostitution is illegal, right? I’ve watched 20/20 before; Barbara Walters taking a glimpse inside the secret lives of escorts and family-operated brothels. It might have taken me a few years to figure out what, exactly, Vivian pulled out of her boots in Pretty Woman, but now I know what that Julia Roberts was up to. Tsk. Tsk.
In the past, Scotty and I have seen strange creatures standing on corners downtown Salt Lake looking like they’re up to no good. Since we live a sheltered life, we usually stare at said creatures as we pass by and say to each other:
“Do you think she’s hookin’?”
“Oh, yeah! She’s definitely hookin’!”
Then the conversation moves to:
“Do you think she’s trying to pay for college?”
“Yeah… or maybe drugs. Or maybe designer jeans.”
Though we do not support the prostitution industry, we aren’t surprised to see it going on in our very own city. Our neighborhood? That’s different. I can tell you all sorts of dirt about my neighbors, but I would never expect to catch an escort parked on the street. I just assume that if this sort of thing is going on, it’s happening undetected. Don’t ask. Don’t tell. ‘Cause, dude! I stay at home all day long. I know too much already. This is the last thing I want to observe.
Scotty and I were out riding bikes one evening this week (yes, believe it or not, I do engage in some physical activity once in a great while), and we passed a black car suspiciously parked in front of a field. There was a woman sitting inside wearing a blond wig and a grotesque amount of make-up. Why? Because she was a prostitute and prostitutes have to wear wigs and lots of make-up so if they run into a client at Wal-Mart they can dodge him/her undetected. It makes sense, right? Plus I’ve watched Maury before, so I know this stuff. I practically have a degree in sleaze.
So there she was in all her glory. A prostitute. In my neighborhood. Waiting for her client to give her the signal. Why else would a strange fake blond be sitting in front of a field in her car?
Two days later another woman was parked in the same spot, waiting. She didn’t have a Pizza Hut sign on her roof, but she was definitely delivering something.
I guess this is what being a SAHM has come to. And some of you sillies thought I should take up drinking… Pshaw! I have way too much detective work to do.
So, got any dirt on your neighbors?
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September 5, 2007 at 9:47 pm
Me me! I have dirt! My “perfect” neighbors are in foreclosure, and have been for 2 years! They put on the perfect faces at church, and make everyone think they’re so rich and righteous. Sad. My other neighbors in my old neighbor hood, emphasis on the “hood”, were having an affair, and both got the clap. Karma is sweet.
September 6, 2007 at 6:46 am
awww man i dont have any good neighbor gossip, but my cousins neighbor is a uhh whats the proper terminology..a whore…or at least she works at a whore house! what are those girls called now..madams?
September 6, 2007 at 10:48 am
I don’t have any good neighbor gossip, but I do have a prostitute story! One night when I was in Spain, my friend Aubri and I were meeting some people at a club that was in a part of town that we hadn’t been to before. When we got off the Metro at the correct stop, we weren’t sure whether to go left or right. So we arbitrarily decided to go left and started walking down the street for a few blocks. This was at about 10:00 at night. After a few blocks we started to walk past some … interesting characters, I guess you could say. Yeah, they were definitely not just prostitutes, but drag queen prostitutes.
It wasn’t long before we turned around and found that the club we were going to was only a block or two to the RIGHT of the metro stop. Of course, we laughed the entire way to the club!
September 6, 2007 at 3:57 pm
From close-to-the-action knowledge (no, I’m not a hooker, but a PD employee), I can tell you that the wigs and make-up usually aren’t for something as exciting as dodging clients in Walmart. Most hookers wear them to disguise the hair loss and facial scars they receive from drug use (usually meth, but sometimes cocaine or heroin). And, they’re usually too high to remember the face (since that’s not what they’re focused on) of the men they pick up. What’s frightening is that this one was driving a car…..probably more upper class than the street walkers, since they usually don’t even own a car, but still probably high.
I have many more lessons on hookers I’d love to share with you. And I’ll have to think about gossip on my neighbors, I DO have interesting neighbors! Stay tuned.
September 6, 2007 at 6:11 pm
Okay, let’s see…neighbors…..
On one side I have an old man and his son. The son does whatever the old man says. Neither one of them have any friends as far as I can tell and the son just moves the cars in and out of the driveway all day while the dad walks in circles around his house chain smoking.
I’m not sure the single old guy on the other side of me is even alive. I only see him like once or twice a year.
The family across the street has a kid with some sort of terminal illness and they are constantly having their utilities shut off. Once I was tempted to get their power turned back on for them because I felt bad for them.
I’m completely convinced the cop across the street is a fan of the escorts you speak of. Sometimes, only once in awhile, a lady shows up there dressed like, well, you know. And who dresses like that on a Sunday evening? Poor, lonely, ornery cop (eyeroll).
September 6, 2007 at 6:20 pm
I stumbled here somehow…not sure, but hi!
No real dirt on the neighbors, we’re still too new to the neighborhood. But they are always happy to give us dirt on the people who previously owned our home. I’m starting to think there was some sort of creepy cult that met here!
September 6, 2007 at 10:54 pm
I wish I was more observative. I wish I had dirt on my neighbors. I can’t think of any neighbors from any of my neighborhoods that had dirt.
But the guy who lives across from my house is a Ninja! I’m serious, a real Ninja! He goes outside a few nights a week and puts on this ninja music and does these super awesome ninja moves! I try and be sneaky and watch him from the windows… but he knows. Because, ya know… that’s what ninjas do…
September 7, 2007 at 11:56 am
Well, I happen to live in a building where EVERYONE knows EVERYTHING about everyone else. What started as an apartment of guys has turned into 4 apartments of really tight friends. When someone gets married, they simply move into the next available apartment in the building. So, of course I know the dirt - but they know my dirt too so I don’t dare to spill the beans. (I have no “real” dirt, no hookin’, no drugs, no strange men in the middle of the night, no fake boobs, no secrets, ya know - I’m “normal”, or something.)